*hurt*

I can't stop my tears from falling...



I can't stop my tears from falling...




I can't stop my tears from falling...

I can't stop my tears from falling... I can't stop my tears from falling... I can't stop my tears from falling...

*blinded*

I always love to experience new things, meet new faces and explore the world around me. I am turning 24 in a few weeks and these past few days I realized so much things that I should be dealing right now. Things are not be like an old child moments that I can get whatever I want without any effort. I am a brat Daddy's girl and I always want things to be on my way. I always see myself having the best and to be happy... But I was wrong for not dealing with more important things and just leave them behind. I am so blinded with so much things... Is this because I am scared to look back and face my fears? Or still I am hurt and I don't want to accept that not all things are for me? Maybe, I know the answers to my own questions but I am just weak to take the first step so I can move on. My life being in a medical profession is not that easy. This is my choice and I don't have anything to do right now but to deal with it because I am almost there. I am striving so hard, give up so many things and face the reality that I will be a doctor and my priority is to be the best I can be for the people. Am I happy? I love my work, my colleagues and my patients... but I am not complete. I almost forgot that I still have a life to live other than my profession. I've lost a love because of this... It's been a year but yet I am not clear with it. I am scared to know the truth. I was fooled by the so called true love. I wish I really had the right decision on this. I trusted him so much but despite all the tear and pain... I still love him... love that I am waiting to fade so that my life will be back to normal. I still think of the good moments but things are never the same. Maybe I am just missing to be with someone... I missed having someone to take care of, loved and pampered. I never tried to open a door for some reasons. I am not ready and I am not over. And now, that was my biggest mistake. I made things harder. I let my heart ruled my life. I waited and gave a chance... but its not worth anymore. I want a new life, seriously! I think I found the one but I can't find any love. I will be hurt again so I better stop. I am now trying to see the good things ahead of me. I don't want to deal with people who don't believe in "commitment". I hate someone who doesn't say what he feels but makes you feel important. I don't feel like waiting for nothing... I still believe I deserve the best and with the things happening right now, I know I am still blessed. I may not have the right love now but I have a loving family and friends who appreciate and always believe in me. It's time to take off the blind fold. I need to see the right path... I am at end of the recovery stage... I am still confused but I believe I can do this. God is always good... I know my Dad is happy right now... we found justice. My life will be easier... I missed you Dad and thanks for always guiding me. My promise will always be a promise... I will be doctor and I will find a good partner like you... I had a dream last night and it's all about my birthday, i cried because you were there... I know it's near but I'd rather be quiet now. I already started to do more worth things for my special day. I always love surprises... and I am hoping for better days ahead... *abzvalenzuela,M.D.*

• I haven't check my blog for almost 2 weeks...
• I really wanna update new pics and happenings here but I am too lazy to do it...
• I am done with OB and I did enjoy the 2 months... tiring and toxic but I had fun dealing with pregnant women, OB consultants and my residents of course
• I will miss my duty residents: Dr. Clemente/ Sidamon/ Alegre/ Guyala/ Pacheco/ Angeles
• Thanks to Dr.Ferrolino/Opulencia/Crisostomo for the preceptorials and case conference
• And of course to my best partners: Jan and Ken
• Now I am starting the benign Community Medicine
• My immersion, meaning I have to leave Dasma and stay every week with my foster parent at Amadeo, will start on Monday
• I am sad to leave but I have to... haha... seriously... this is hard for me...
• It's my birthday month... sad I will celebrate it in the community... none of everything... probably this will be the sadest birthday for me... no surprise, no party, no birthday cake, no family and friends... and I am SINGLE... haha! another year for me... goodluck!
• What else? hmmmm.... I have a lot of time for myself now since I have a benign rotation until November... I don't like it coz I hate thinking of same things... but I can't do anything about it...
• I don't want people forcing me to do something that I don't really want... I forgive and literally forget... so please don't ruin my day mentioning stupid names in my life... seriously!
• Another thing... I am tired of being so nice and yet I don't get anything but pain... why are there people who don't know how to appreciate little things? I hate it coz it's always like that... other people who's not helping mean more than me...
• Well, I need to think of that and on everything this week... I wish when I get back, things are clearer...
• Thanks for the good things though that is happening...
• I am looking forward for more blessing and good thoughts...
• Anyway, I saw Mirrors... haha! It won't be scary without Drew trying to scared me and Morie... shet, I remember the good dinner at Brothers Burger but too bad I had GERD attacked so I threw up everything... but coffee, pancake and french toast with omelette made my stomach a lot better...
• Thanks shmagsh for the free boarding... hehe! Till next time...
• I'll see you all when I get back
• I'm out