*blinded*

I always love to experience new things, meet new faces and explore the world around me. I am turning 24 in a few weeks and these past few days I realized so much things that I should be dealing right now. Things are not be like an old child moments that I can get whatever I want without any effort. I am a brat Daddy's girl and I always want things to be on my way. I always see myself having the best and to be happy... But I was wrong for not dealing with more important things and just leave them behind. I am so blinded with so much things... Is this because I am scared to look back and face my fears? Or still I am hurt and I don't want to accept that not all things are for me? Maybe, I know the answers to my own questions but I am just weak to take the first step so I can move on. My life being in a medical profession is not that easy. This is my choice and I don't have anything to do right now but to deal with it because I am almost there. I am striving so hard, give up so many things and face the reality that I will be a doctor and my priority is to be the best I can be for the people. Am I happy? I love my work, my colleagues and my patients... but I am not complete. I almost forgot that I still have a life to live other than my profession. I've lost a love because of this... It's been a year but yet I am not clear with it. I am scared to know the truth. I was fooled by the so called true love. I wish I really had the right decision on this. I trusted him so much but despite all the tear and pain... I still love him... love that I am waiting to fade so that my life will be back to normal. I still think of the good moments but things are never the same. Maybe I am just missing to be with someone... I missed having someone to take care of, loved and pampered. I never tried to open a door for some reasons. I am not ready and I am not over. And now, that was my biggest mistake. I made things harder. I let my heart ruled my life. I waited and gave a chance... but its not worth anymore. I want a new life, seriously! I think I found the one but I can't find any love. I will be hurt again so I better stop. I am now trying to see the good things ahead of me. I don't want to deal with people who don't believe in "commitment". I hate someone who doesn't say what he feels but makes you feel important. I don't feel like waiting for nothing... I still believe I deserve the best and with the things happening right now, I know I am still blessed. I may not have the right love now but I have a loving family and friends who appreciate and always believe in me. It's time to take off the blind fold. I need to see the right path... I am at end of the recovery stage... I am still confused but I believe I can do this. God is always good... I know my Dad is happy right now... we found justice. My life will be easier... I missed you Dad and thanks for always guiding me. My promise will always be a promise... I will be doctor and I will find a good partner like you... I had a dream last night and it's all about my birthday, i cried because you were there... I know it's near but I'd rather be quiet now. I already started to do more worth things for my special day. I always love surprises... and I am hoping for better days ahead... *abzvalenzuela,M.D.*