28 days of hospital work. 28 days of challenges and realization. At this moment, several things are playing on my mind. Part of it is all about me, the other side of my life not being a doctor. But before that, I need to love what I am doing. I am destined to be here so despite of all the sleepless nights and hardworks... I need to be tough. It's time to forget about my personal interests... my dream of becoming a housewife will never be true for now... forget it and focus on my patients. They need me more than anyone else... I am living my life on the same daily routine... boring but like what I said, I choose to have a toxic med life so deal with this. I missed my family, i missed my friends. I am lost now but still finding my self and accepting that my life is here and I can't be there... I can't be where I want to be right now. I am confused... I am hurting... too bad coz the people so dear to me made me feel worst. Now, I don't know what I have and who I have. I lose most of them and now I am dealing with new things and new people. I should have listen to a good friend. Don't be too good coz some people will take advantage of you. It hurts knowing someone do not know how to appreciate the things you are doing for them. They will only remember you in time they need you. What's worst is that they are treating you as if you don't have any feelings. So much blaming, judging and lies that made the situation worst. I would like to hold on to my words now. No more crying times... I need to be tough this time... no more coming back on the old feelings. I wish i did not ignore the people who loves me. I am losing all my faith... I need more time to think... I wish I am too insensitive that I won't be affected anymore. I want someone who will just appreciate and love me.... I deserve it... I am wrong for loving so much... wrong time, wrong person. I never had a true and perfect love ever since. All I had ended so bad... I am tired right now but these things must be said... I am sick and I need to rest. I wish things will be better when I wake up tomorrow morning... Just give me only few days and I will be more than okay. I must forget you and also you... I've waste another time.... so I need to rush... I'm out!
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