C.O.N.F.U.S.E.D.

• i wish i am numb... no reaction... no comment... insensitive...
• BUT
• i am not... i am not... i am not... TOO BAD!
• life is really a challenge to me... here's the complications, trials, ups and downs, mistakes, regrets, learnings... what else? i should be a better person now
• hospital is my new home... patients are my new friends
• i badly missed my mom
• i am near quitting in this clerkship thing... but then i talked to mom and she was excited for me to finish in april 2009... a proud mom to have a daughter who's a doctor... and now i am thinking again... i love her so much...
• i need to accept that my life is like this... actually just a start of being toxic, no social life and stock forever in the hospital... what more in the next succeeding years?
• but the dilemmas not only regarding med school
• i only have a year... will i take my internship here or go abroad and grab the opportunity??? well, i'll think about it later i guess
• complications... hmmm... am i doing the right thing now? what's with the friend? friends?
• i dunno... how would i know who and what's true?
• i am just going with the flow... i am doing stuff which actually i am conscious but i am not thinking about it
• i am being selfish now... it's always "bahala na"... oh well
• i missed someone... i just talked to him and i was surprised... i dunno again... tell me???
• what will i do? choose something that is here or not?
• i don't really know what i want now...
• i am pushing myself on the path that i am not sure where will i be in the end
• people really change... i want fair in all aspect
• i dunno who's my true friends... no one knows how to appreciate little things
• should i go and look back on my past? hmmmmmm...
• i want to be a housewife not a doctor anyway
• but i need to be good
• focus and move on...
• i should stop this game i guess so that i'll get what i want
• i wish someone will make my mind clearer and changes everything
• i wish it's HIM... him???
• now, all my decisions will depend on whatever gonna happen
• i don't have a problem... i am just confused
• but at least i have all the options i can have
• just a quick and smart decision i guess
• soon... things will be ok
• enough of this stupid lies
• tell me what you want and things will be alright
• no more wasting of time
• actually i am hurt... there's someone who usually a burden to me... i should not care that much anyway... i will try and we'll see...
• no one is true enough to tell everything... what they feel, think and what they want
• it's always a mystery... a surprise... complicated things...
• i'll just wait on the thing that is really for me
• i want to be quiet... i need time to think... i want space...
• i know you will realize things when i'm not around anymore
• i hope its not too late on everything
• *sigh*